Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
