She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry my hands just texted you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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