I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's never too late to be topless.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
