well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
