i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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