Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
