dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
