We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
