i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my liver is dry heaving
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
