i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did I show you my penis last night?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
