saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
