Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
