Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
