when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
