I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it glows. i had to have it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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