can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
