Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
