Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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