would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
