I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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