So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
