Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
