Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
