Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
