Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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