my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
