for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
