Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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