You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
