chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
