I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
