I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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