Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
