the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
