Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
