No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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