just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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