He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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