She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
