I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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