I'm going to jail i love you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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