make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
