There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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