I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
