There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
