he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
pray to the hookup gods
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
