my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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