Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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