can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
