Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
