my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drake has all the answers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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