the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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