i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
