oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
