Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
