Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
